I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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