I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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