I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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