miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize