last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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