Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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