How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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