after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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