shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize