Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize