i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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