wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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