I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you inspire me to be a worse person
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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