yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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