i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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