I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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