I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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