New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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