you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize