the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize