If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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