you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize