I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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