two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize