you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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