I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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