I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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