and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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