So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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