Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize