it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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