he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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