I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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We have so much sex to catch up on
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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