i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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