and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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