sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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