Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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