I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize