she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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