yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize