i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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