Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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