even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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