My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize