guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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