OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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