I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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