Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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