I wish I could teleport
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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