Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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